


Nothing Nothing

by WithoutTwin



Series: Let me fade [2]
Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Cloud 9 (League of Legends RPF), Hurt/Comfort, I'm really bad at tagging, Roster changes, Things are about to be revealed, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 23:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14924642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithoutTwin/pseuds/WithoutTwin
Summary: It shouldn't be of any surprise that Zachary "Sneaky" Scuderi acted like nothing happened when the roster changes hit.But maybe, just maybe, there is something.Sequel to Something Something





	Nothing Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve never churned out a story so fast with absolutely no hesitation. I wasn’t exactly planning on this but … well, the situation calls for it. Unfortunately this isn’t up to the standard of what I usually write, but I couldn’t wait for editing so I posted it without it :D

Zachary “Sneaky” Scurderi stared straight at his phone screen as the texts and tweets start coming in as a result of the starting roster for the summer split. He digs his nails into his thighs as he hears Nicolaj running down the hall and let’s go just as the door opens. He just stands there in the dorm frame as Zach picks up his phone and just says “Wanna make a pair of tweets?”

Nicolaj just nods slowly. “You… You doing alright Sneaks?”

_Of course not, I feel nothing._

“Yea, it isn’t like we didn’t know this was going to happen.” Zach gets up and pulls him onto the bed. They lay there together seeing the tweets roll in. “I’m gonna make a tweet.”

“Yea? What’s it gonna say?” Peering over Zach’s phone, Nicolaj laughs as he reads the nonchalant statement as if the benching was _nothing_. He gets it of course. You can’t date someone for years and not know how Zach just deals with things. “Sick meme bro, I’ll do the same.”

_Same because you got benched because of me._

“Look we match now~” Placing his phone next to Zach’s, the twin tweets of “Me Jensen and smoothie are benched :D” and “benched xD” laid together on the bed, the screen light shining menacingly onto their faces even though its midday and the happy sun is still shining outside. Nicolaj isn’t stupid. He could feel how tense Zach was when he pushed him to the bed and cuddled him. He isn’t oblivious either. He could just as easily see how empty Zach’s eyes were and how his voice held _nothing_ of how Zach usually sounds like.

Not that he heard any semblance of something in his voice since Jack sat them down to talk about it.

 

. . . . . . . .

 

It wasn’t till dinner that they saw Andy. His smile was tense at the two of them, but his eyes lit up in familiar comradery over the benching. He bantered back and forth with Zach, but Nicolaj’s small inputs and hesitancy was obviously forced. It isn’t like Jack and Reapered didn’t prepare them; no, they are respectable guys and talked through this for a long time. It’s just that, until the official announcement, everyone could act like it wasn’t happening and that it was just a bad dream. But now they had _nothing_ to hide behind.

_Andy would have still been starting if it wasn’t me that was his ADC._

And when Zach excused himself to the bathroom midway through dinner, only Jack noticed that he came back in with a blank face that disappeared after he blinked.

 

. . . . . . . .

 

It was by a complete accident that Nicolaj discovered the reason why there was _nothing_ behind Zach’s eyes.

They had stopped sharing a bed together spontaneously after spring split has ended in an effort to focus more on the game, choosing to opt for more practice time over cuddles and secret kisses in the dark. It isn’t like their affection stopped or slowed down; but when Nicolaj asked to sleep in his own room so he can sleep earlier to wake up earlier to practice over staying awake for Zach’s streams, Zach simply nodded and Nicolaj saw again that something flitter across his eyes and disappear just like the way you lose a bug if you look away for just a second. So after how the day turned tiring and exhausting after the official announcement, Nicolaj took it upon himself to surprise his sad boyfriend by dressing in something he likes (which is of course _nothing_ underneath) and quietly creep to his door after the stream ended. It was maybe twenty minutes after the stream ended, long enough that Zach probably assumed they weren’t sleeping together that night too.

And time enough that Nicolaj could actually surprise his ridiculously perceptive boyfriend.

Which turned into reverse surprise when Nicolaj burst through the door, only to find Zach shirtless and covered in red lines all over this chest and belly and back. It was like Zach had put on a tight-fitting shirt of red, with intricate criss-crossed designs littered all over where a shirt would have lain. His smile and lust slid off his face, and Nicolaj figured that horror and fear must have been very obvious in his face by the look of absolute self-loathing that flooded Zach’s eyes. Nicolaj isn’t sure if he heard anything when Zach started leaking tears and whispering I’m so sorry over and over again.

It was as if everything froze in time.

And _nothing_ moved for as long as they could possibly recall. It was as if the sight of the fresh red lines against one that were clearly made earlier in the day made time stop so Nicolaj could take in every single detail that has slipped through his perception the entire time. It was as if the horror in Nicolaj’s blue eyes actually pierced Zach and killed him, staring lifelessly back as if they were stuck open like a corpse shot after being told their family is dead.

“Is this what happened last time too?” Both boys looked to the door to see Jack standing there looking sadly at both of them. At the questioning look in Nicolaj’s eyes, Jack simply sighed. “Back after worlds and you left for Denmark, I found Zach in his bed. Call it father’s intuition, but I thought there was something wrong back then. I just thought it was _nothing_ and hoped I was right after tucking him into bed properly.” At this point he locked eyes with Zach, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. You were planning on doing the same thing as back then right? Hide the fact you weren’t eating or drinking anything? Bring yourself enough pain to punish yourself for something?” He took in a shuddering breath, “Hope that this was the last time you could feel the pain?”

At this Nicolaj turned around fast enough to see Zach finally crumble. It was like a switch was turned off and Zach just crumbled to the ground in shaking tears, arms wrapped around himself and fingers digging into his back. Jack made the motion to walk in and stop the scratching before he bled, but Nicolaj simply pushed him out of the room and locked the door. He picked up Zach’s crying face, the still surprisingly silent cries only solidifying the fact that this wasn’t the first time Zach has tried to hide his tears, and kissed him on the forehead. “I don’t hold this against you, you know, to hide this.” Zach’s eyes widened before scrambling backwards, crawling back until his back hit the wall and curled into himself again. “I don’t hate you for hiding this or acting like there is _nothing_ going on.” He flinched at the quiet keening noise that started to come from the crying shaking boy, but he didn’t hesitate in crawling forward and pulling the boy into his arms. “I just wished you didn’t think I could do _nothing_ to help you.”

It was like kissing a pillow. A very limp, very wet pillow. Usually Zach took the more emotionally dominating role in the relationship, steering Nicolaj away from too much brooding and more into the happy light. This time… this time Nicolaj barely even had to think before manhandling the limp lump of despair onto the bed and into his chest. The crying returned to be silent, something Nicolaj thought was a very bad sign, so Nicolaj took the two shaking hands that still reached for his skin to scratch and bring punishment and started humming a Danish lullaby that his mom used to sing him when he was beyond understanding anything as a kid. The crying turned into sniffles perhaps the third or fourth time around the song.

_Why are you here. With nothing._

When the sniffles didn’t stop, Nicolaj took a deep breath and hesitantly started singing the words.

_Why can’t any of you let me be nothing._

When the hands stopped reaching for more pain, Nicolaj released one hand and started rubbing the bare, raw back of the ADC, slowly petting away the harsh lines as the Danish words he hasn’t sung in a long, long time grew more and more confident. Zach’s breathing started to even out the longer Nicolaj sang and pet him. Eventually, it was just Nicolaj’s strong, soft singing and hands rubbing his back and holding his head.

Zach just turned his head and laid his ear against the midlaner’s chest. The song turned back into quiet humming again as the hands slowly stopped petting and started to just rest like a comforting blanket around him, and like a baby finally being held after crying on the floor for what seemed like too long, Zach felt sleep swaddling his consciousness.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

_For not leaving. For not thinking I was nothing. For being something._

“For all of it.”


End file.
